It is a late night before an early morning.
My body is already regretting starting a new blog. I cannot simply jot down a thought or two in a few minutes and call it a night as I easily rest my head on the mattress {I don't usually use a pillow.} However, I cannot deny the urge to empty my thoughts here and now. I am a wordy girl. And being wordy requires time. Even if this blog ends up being short, don't underestimate the time I spent
re-reading, revising, re-phrasing, adding, deleting, etc. And none of that
re-whatever-I-just-listed is to impress you, no. Sorry to break it to you. I am just anal about the way I communicate. Even in journals that nobody (that I know of...) reads except yours truly. I want the descriptions I use to accurately do just that -
describe what it is my thoughts are concerned with. I admit its a strength
a n d a weakness.
Last night I attended church. It was the first time back to a place my heart had been longing for for quite a while.
And such a perfect night to attend.
Here I had been, in the midst of my struggles with criticism and judgment against those I claimed to l o v e , I was humbly convicted of my behavior and fell into the saving grace, yet again. I was reminded that God is just and right. And it is not His job, it is who He is.
He is always Love and always Grace.
He is constantly teaching me to drop my ruler with which I measure others against and look to Him for guidance and wisdom on how to love as He loves. And how can I do this if I do not love Him. And how do I love Him if I am wasting all my efforts on tearing others down? Wow, what relief I feel even now. When you judge and criticize another, you instantly obligate yourself to carry the responsibility to "fix" that person because, according to you - the perfect one, right? - they need to know where they fall short. That is a responsibility to big for my shoulders to carry. So, I am not meant to carry it. Man, how often have I busied myself with this unloving perspective when I coulda and shoulda surrendered to His arms and
plans of Love
and
plans to Love.
I fall short.
He reaches out.
They fall short.
He reaches out.
He reaches out.
I grab ahold.
He reaches out.
They grab ahold.
What a divine design. Notice, I had nothing to do with His sufficient grace involved.
May I daily be reminded of His Love and Mercy and deny myself. He is who I want to be more like. And thankfully, He wants me to be like him.
{{He's not like the BFFL in 2nd grade who totally like gets pissed when like she notices that like, you know, you're like "totally copying me" and you guys like don't talk for 2 recesses because like "she's just not my BFFL anymore".}}
Haha, that was fun. Back from my bunny-trail...He not only wants me to be like Him, He shows me how and what needs to be eliminated in order for His characteristics to have room to make a home. And in my heart - His home - may His ways reside and redecorate and overflow to all my neighbors. Our neighbors. I am my Beloved's and He is mine.
Ahh. Home Sweet Home.
Be set free from the straightjacket that is slander and judgement. I swear it feels good to breathe.
I Sincerely expressed more thoughts that expected,
Zulu.
